*this is pretty detailed and I feel that I need to share all of this because this is a glimpse of reality. Of everything else you have to deal with when your child dies. These are just small segments of those few days.

4/2/2013 Today at 5:50am Bailee earned her angel wings.
THE PHONE CALL
I got a phone call at 4:13am with someone telling me "they are doing CPR on Bailee " I was so confused and angry I asked " what the hell do you mean ??" An EMT got on the phone ask me some medical questions about Bay. He then told me to meet them at children's hospital and I heard another EMT say something in the background and the 1st EMT told me okay we are not going to children's. In my heart I knew what this mean that there was no reason to go to children's I just "knew" rid whole conversation that no matter what they were saying "we are doing everything we can" that she was not okay. Thankfully Rory did not leave for work yet and although it felt like we were going 30 mph Rory said he was driving like 90! We'll it did not Matter we walked in and security took us down the back way into the emergency room I had been in so so many times in her life! And I knew why this doctor was in there I don't even remember exactly what he said, I had to ask Rory not long ago exactly what he told us. The nurse ask if we wanted to see her I Immediately said no I could not see my daughter lifeless but Rory said it would be something I might regret later and that we should go in her room. I will leave a lot of this out because it is still so hard for me to really deal with what happened in there because it's hard for me to understand.
But after seeing Bailee they wanted me to call somebody, tell family....I didn't want to do this at all!! I wanted everyone's lives to be normal and okay for as long as they could because once I called Jay of my Mom nothing was ever going to be the same again. I tried to call Jay a few times but after 2 hours the nurse kind of started to get impatient asking if I wanted her to call anyone. I finally had to call my mom, which is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do!! Within a half an hour it was no longer just me, Rory and Bailee but so many people there and life was forever changed for everyone. Rory and I had detectives questionin us about who was suppose to be taking care of a bunch of 15 year old girls ? And what we felt about Bailee's best friends mom and all this other stuff that totally caught me off guard. Nothing felt real!!
Hours went by in that emergency room, I did not know what I was suppose to do. How could I just leave my daughter there in the emergency room and this was it?? What was I suppose to do?? Finally we did all have to leave and instead of leaving the hospital with my daughter I left the hospital with a few pieces of construction paper with her hand print on it...that's all I had left.
MY MOMS HOUSE
We all went to my parents house to start dealing with the horrible decisions and conversations we had to do next. (Cremated or buried) (donation of organs skin and her eyes?) (where should she be be buried - thank god my mom gave Bailee her plot!!) And my sister was also soo amazing through this day!! I swore she called every funeral home I think in the whole phone book and she found that Krause has an amazing program for children. By this point the stress and incompatibility of people in the house was crazy! But finally after a 4 1/2 hour drive from up north with his dad's family my son Austin got there. (At the hospital his aunt put him on the phone so I could tell him.. And then I waited almost 5 hours before I could hug him. They were soo close and I knew he must have just felt lost.)

4/3/2013
THE FUNERAL HOME
The next day I did send the other aunt and Jay (their dad's) girlfriend out to look at Krause funeral homes, when I knew already the Krause on National would be the funeral home we had already chosen, but I did my best to make everyone feel "included" and because of that I am still in a not very good place. All of this was for MY baby girl! MY BABY and I hope so much that she was proud of me for everything I had to deal with, I somehow created a beautiful service for her even with everything else that was going on. I LOVE YOU MOMMYS BEST FRIEND AND PRINCESS AND NOW MY ANGEL!!
I let EVERYBODY be included in planning my daughters funeral! It turned into sort of a circus, but again my daughter loved almost everybody and I truly did want the people she loved to be able to share their good memories of her. I was told by the people at the funeral home that they have NEVER had a mother care so much about everyone else but themselves after they have lost a child. I wish certain people would have had more respect for my daughter and worried less about themselves during this process but Bailee sees what happened and still sees what is happening and because of that I am okay.

4/6/2013
THE FUNERAL
I don't have many memories of this, or much of the first year. I do know that soo many people were there, she would have been shocked! Bailee touched sooo many people in a way that neither of us knew about.